Charles' bound hands rested on the edge of the cart that bounced him past the crowd lining the street. The wheels creaked and squeaked, working with jeering voices to create a symphony of torture. Something hit his head and back. Slime dripped down the side of his face, slapping him with the odor of rotten egg.
“Murderer!" An old woman spit as the cart jostled him past her. “Scum!"
Yes, murderer. Yes, scum. But he had loved her. Sweet Jeanne-Marie. Her bloody, lifeless body was in his arms again, a sickening metalic smell replacing the rotten egg. He could hear Louisa's scream, her sobs. All for that fool of an earl. Altamont should have died, not his Jeanne-Marie. He curled his fingers, making tight fists. People swarmed the public square, even lurking from shuttered windows on the second and third floor of buildings. Their voices merged into a collective hum.
The world had gathered to watch him die.
At least he'd be at peace. And yet, uncertainty gnawed at his gut, mocking everything he'd been taught to believe. Would the simple ceremony of last rites convince God to allow him entry into heaven? If so, no doubt he'd endure a long purgatory. If not . . . If not, then come what may. How could anything be more painful than knowing that the one person who mattered was dead? By his hand. It hit again, a cannon ball ripping through his soul. The shock and confusion twisting Jeanne-Marie's features in those desperate, last moments. Her body trembling, coughing blood as she strained to speak. "Suzanne. Suzanne."
The cart halted underneath the wood beams. A priest stepped forward, making the sign of the cross and chanting in Latin, while a Maréchaussée officer on horseback prepared the noose. A peddler wove his way among the spectators, shouting advertisements for fresh bread. A blast of hot wind sent the delicious aroma his way, along with the less tantalizing odors of unwashed bodies and human and animal waste. Would there be food in purgatory?
As the noose was placed over his head and cinched tightly around his neck, a little girl caught his eye. She was about the same age as the freckle-faced footboy he'd killed – about nine or ten years old. Stringy dark hair escaped her white bonnet and cascaded over her shoulders. Her dark, intelligent eyes stared back at him with the same pensive look he'd often seen . . . Charles blinked. She can't be. I'm seeing things. He shook his head, but the little girl remained, looking at him with that same, pensive expression.
The back of the cart released with a rickety crash.
“Monsieur de la Motte, you have been found guilty of the murder of Madame de Crébillon, and are therefore sentenced to hang by the neck until you are dead. May God have mercy on your soul."
“Murderer!" An old woman spit as the cart jostled him past her. “Scum!"
Yes, murderer. Yes, scum. But he had loved her. Sweet Jeanne-Marie. Her bloody, lifeless body was in his arms again, a sickening metalic smell replacing the rotten egg. He could hear Louisa's scream, her sobs. All for that fool of an earl. Altamont should have died, not his Jeanne-Marie. He curled his fingers, making tight fists. People swarmed the public square, even lurking from shuttered windows on the second and third floor of buildings. Their voices merged into a collective hum.
The world had gathered to watch him die.
At least he'd be at peace. And yet, uncertainty gnawed at his gut, mocking everything he'd been taught to believe. Would the simple ceremony of last rites convince God to allow him entry into heaven? If so, no doubt he'd endure a long purgatory. If not . . . If not, then come what may. How could anything be more painful than knowing that the one person who mattered was dead? By his hand. It hit again, a cannon ball ripping through his soul. The shock and confusion twisting Jeanne-Marie's features in those desperate, last moments. Her body trembling, coughing blood as she strained to speak. "Suzanne. Suzanne."
The cart halted underneath the wood beams. A priest stepped forward, making the sign of the cross and chanting in Latin, while a Maréchaussée officer on horseback prepared the noose. A peddler wove his way among the spectators, shouting advertisements for fresh bread. A blast of hot wind sent the delicious aroma his way, along with the less tantalizing odors of unwashed bodies and human and animal waste. Would there be food in purgatory?
As the noose was placed over his head and cinched tightly around his neck, a little girl caught his eye. She was about the same age as the freckle-faced footboy he'd killed – about nine or ten years old. Stringy dark hair escaped her white bonnet and cascaded over her shoulders. Her dark, intelligent eyes stared back at him with the same pensive look he'd often seen . . . Charles blinked. She can't be. I'm seeing things. He shook his head, but the little girl remained, looking at him with that same, pensive expression.
The back of the cart released with a rickety crash.
“Monsieur de la Motte, you have been found guilty of the murder of Madame de Crébillon, and are therefore sentenced to hang by the neck until you are dead. May God have mercy on your soul."







17 comments:
Wow! Intense! I want more!
Eeeekk!! Gwen - this is intense. very well done. I need to find out what happens, you can't leave us hanging (ha ha pun intended) like that!
Pretty good, Gwendolyn!
I love how you left us hanging.
Awesome: You are working on a book?! Keep it up, Gwen. =)
Thanks Marsha! :-) I'll continue the scene next week.
LOL, Heidi! Great pun, ha ha!
Thanks Loree! Hehehehe. I'm terrible aren't I? The truth is, I'm still deciding on how Charles is going to get out of this pickle, so it was a convenient place to end it. :-)
Hi Rissi! Yeah, I'm playing around with a new story while I'm editing my other two manuscripts. :-)
You did a great job of combining the action in the scene with Charles's thoughts. I like how you included scent in your description -- the delicious aroma of fresh bread, along with other unpleasant odors. I can't help but wonder if someone will save Charles at the last moment!
Thanks Sandy! Yeah, I'm making a conscious effort to include more of the five senses in my scenes. Thanks for noticing! I'll continue this excerpt next week. :-)
Excellent opening paragraph!
Thanks Michelle! What? That's all you liked? jk -- LOL! I do think that third paragraph needed more work -- too many sentences starting with "A", and not enough active tension. But then, I can sit here and nitpick all day. :-)
Oh, my. Who is the little girl? And I can't imagine anyone wanting to save him, but anything is possible! Great cliffhanger.
Hi Patricia! Ah, so you're a part of team kill-Charles-off, lol! (Not that I blame you.) Yes, the little girl is important to the story, and I'm glad she's caught your attention. I'll offer more about her in my next excerpt.
Very intense sample. I like your descriptive language and Charles's inner thoughts.
That was to intense especially the introduction of the little girl
Thanks Carrie-Anne!
Hi Lindsay! The way I see it, if you're going to write an execution scene, it better be edge-of-your-seat. (I still think it needs more tension. :-)
I think you captured the scene well. Lots of sensory detail and imagery. Someone about to hang would be noticing all those final details and have memories flashing before their eyes. Time seems to slow down, so I think you're safe with less action while you're in his mind. :)
Thanks for your encouragement, Leah! That's true -- his memories and thoughts are an important part of the scene. Plus, there's not a lot of action happening in the minutes before he's hanged.
Post a Comment